Superb (Salad-y) Sundays

Sunday.  This  glorious day one of the week has certainly become one of my absolute favourite, right up there with Friday.  One could argue that Sunday is merely the stepping stone into Monday, as that is how I  used to feel, especially with my zany hours for work.  It used to be that from the moment I awoke on Sunday morning, I found myself continuously counting down the hours until I needed to be in bed in order to get a good night's rest leading into my 4am wake-up call to begin the workweek.  Not anymore.  No, Sunday has become my unofficial "me" day, and I love everything that the day has come to encompass.   Oh, and I know you're probably wondering, "what's with the kale shot up there?"  Well, I thought it was pretty.

Sunday has held many different roles in my life, with different purposes,varying levels of importance, and therefore has been a rather abused 24 hours.  When I was very young, Sunday morning always involved a trip to church with my mom and sisters, a routine we were brought up in from the get-go.  Beginning at 9am, an hour was spent at the chapel, where my mother would smile at us while she sang the songs of the catholic carol book with much passion and vigor, and also gave a stern hush if we got  too rowdy in the pews.  One of my favourite memories was that of my mom sweetly running her fingers through my hair, as I lay my head on her lap idly passing the time until the the final chorus came.  If we were lucky, once the final processional hymn had been sung, it was off to the local coffee shop for a bag of day-old donuts, or if we were really blessed, a half dozen Bismarck pastries, topped with the most delectable white frosting there ever was.  Sunday afternoons were most often spent playing with Barbies, gallivanting out in the farmyard, climbing apple trees, horseback riding, or building very architecturally magnificent snow forts in the six foot snow drifts that would form out by the barn. 

As I got into my teen years, Sunday mornings turned into nothing more than a day to sleep in as late as possible, and this is when they became nothing more than the day before Monday.  A day in which I had the chance to make any last-ditch efforts to finish up homework, catch up on television, or chat on the phone for hours on end, reliving all the happenings of the weekend that was.  This was also my chance to dwell in terrible angst and dread about inevitability of having to head back to school the next morning.  Once I became a college student, Sundays were entirely wasted days spent lying in bed, on the couch, or in the bathroom, nursing horrid headaches and incurable nausea instilled by Saturday's raucous routine of partying, drinking, and late night dancing.   

Today, as a 31 year old woman, my Sunday routine is at it's peak, and I adore everything about the day.  Gone are the days of forced sleep-ins, hangovers, and (sorry mom) organized religion.  Now, I usually stir well before 7am, often with a distinct desire to get outside and go for run, a thought that invades my consciousness even before my feet hit the hardwood. Other times, the break of dawn involves nothing more than a cup of tea, the newspaper, and the sunrise, followed by hours of puttering away at household chores, crafts, and reading, the day capped off with a lunch time yoga class, nap, and then hours spent cooking in the kitchen.  Often I can go through an entire Sunday without uttering a single word out loud.  It is superbly centering.  Indeed, I have really taken to this "me" time, and am quite reluctant to ever make real plans, as I much prefer to have my few free hours of the week flexible, with the ability to progress organically, spontaneously, and therefore blissfully.

Ah yes.  Today has been one of those picture perfect Sundays.  After a quiet 6:30am breakfast over one of my favourite reads, it was off to an intense 9:30am Bikram Hot Yoga class, a brisk bike ride home, and then for the rest of the morn, I immersed myself fully in the kitchen prepping meals for the week.  This afternoon?  Well, I plan to blog, sip tea, do some more reading, and perhaps catch a flick online - will it be a sleepy romantic comedy that I can doze in and out of?  Or perhaps if I am feeling more alert, a solid documentary?

Maybe I will watch "Food Inc." once more, and get a head start on my opinion essay that must be written as part of my upcoming "Culinary Nutrition Expert" certification!  

Two of today's colourful Sunday salads

Oh dear Sunday, your possibilities are absolutely endless, but for me these days, I desire the minimal.  You are, and I hope will remain, my one simple day.  My day to chill out, live quietly, and be unreservedly me.  No matter what, I will keep on loving you, and will continue to squeeze every last juicy, delicious second from you even as you inch away from me, towards twilight, and eventually tumble out of my grasp completely.  

I know you will only be gone for a short time, and that I can look forward to our meeting once again, when you arrive at my door, in just seven short days. 

Bulimia

Yup, I said it.  Or I wrote it, I suppose.  It is a word that I used to be so ashamed of saying out loud.  But now I use it with ease as it is a part of who I am, was, and will become.  It has been a part of my life for more than fifteen years, and it has taken me up until this point to realize that it is nothing to apologize for.  It just is.  

I remember back when I was first "diagnosed" with my bulimia, it was a word that left waves of uncomfortable silence in it's wake.  At that time, my mother was desperate to find educational support and medical assistance, but resources were next to nil and for the most part people just didn't talk about eating disorders.  There was such a massive stigma associated with not only the word, but everything that came along with it.  Eating disorders, especially bulimia, were considered gross, silly, shallow, and easy to cure...  

Just eat, dammit!  

Ha, if it were only that simple...It is now quite well known that ED's go so much deeper than that, and as far as I am concerned, my ED might just be a lifelong affliction that I need to constantly shine awareness on.  Case in point, it was only a year ago today that ED really kicked my ass for what I hope was to be the very last time...

 If you have been reading my blog for a time, you know what I am talking about (http://megsrealstory.blogspot.com/2011/11/ed-ugly-affair.html).  On January  25 2011, I had a very nasty visit from ED- my eating disorder, and for the first time in my thirty years I spent the night in the emergency room. 

Looking back to where I was at that time, I realize that I was not anywhere close to happy even though I thought I was making huge strides as far as my "positivity in times of chaos" went.  I certainly was moving in an upward trajectory in a few areas of my life, but little did I know that the worst was still to come. There was a lot more icky-ness that was waiting in the wings, and I am pleased that I did manage to get through Spring of 2011 without anymore colossal relapses, even as my universe seemed to implode around me.

My, how things change in time.  While my ultimate goal is to someday soon be able to say that I have fully kicked ED to the curb,  I am at the same time very grateful to have finally banished most of my self blame, self pity, and embarrassment about my bulimia.  I would be lying if I said I that I never have ED-inspired thoughts at times when my anxiety peaks, my stress levels soar, or when my heart is aching.  But, what is real and true, is that I also have quite a few tricks up my sleeve to combat those ideas, and have developed a slew of brilliant ways to cope, and to blot out those false perceptions before they can cause me any harm.  

So, today, one year later, I choose to renew my vow to never get to the low point ever again.   I am, after all, a hell of a lot smarter than ED, and damn stronger than my ego.

2 weeks vegan, 7 days sober...

Just an update here, as I realize it's been a while since I have posted!  I am feeling great!  I have to say, that doubling up my two massive dietary changes has proven quite successful thus far.  I woke up today feeling overall happier, more well rested than in weeks, and just simply more full of vibrant energy!  My 7am Sunday run was invigorating, and I felt stronger and more confident on my feet than ever!

(that's lentil walnut loaf there, not beef!)

As far as my new vegan diet is concerned, it has actually been a super simple switch for the most part.  I have spent countless pleasurable hours scouring the shelves and dairy cases at various markets and health food shops in the quest to find suitable, whole, and delicious substitutes for my ex-fave animal food items.  As previously mentioned, my now severed relationship with cheese leaves massive shoes to fill as far as my taste buds go.  I have found a few rice-based brick cheeses that melt surprisingly well when delivered via a grilled cheese sammy, but even with the texture all there, the taste leaves much to be desired.  I have turned to using an abundance of nutritional yeast in recipes, and as topper for cooked veggies to achieve that cheesy-creamy taste, but as predicted, the ultimate alternative I have found success with is simply making my own homemade "nut-cheese".  The silky, savory spreads derived from aggressive food processing of any type of nut, combined with herbs, spices, and flavourings of choice reign as champion in my books.  I am a sucker for cashew ricotta with chives, and am loving my pistachio lemon mash-up.  I think this weekend I will attempt to create a version that is sweeter, to be used in place of cream cheese.   Something I can top with smashed fruit on (gluten free) toast, or spread on my yummy oatmeal waffles.

My vegan top shelf!

Have I missed meat?  Hells no.  Actually, I have had no craving at all for animal flesh, I suppose reason being that I haven't had any of that since early October anyhow.  However, I have really ramped up my workouts as of late so my need for protein has grown tremendously.  I am exploring all kinds of new ways to include even more nuts, seeds, legumes, and other plant-based muscle building super-foods in my repertoire.   I am two weeks into my Booty Camp workout sessions, and I am also now back with Bikram Yoga Toronto, where I am lucky to have landed a role in their "energy exchange" program; I volunteer there for two hours, once a week, and in exchange I get unlimited free hot yoga!!  Delightful indeed!  Add to this the fact that I am lacing up my running shoes regularly again to get rallied to train for a 10K, and the need for pure and proper nourishment multiplies ten-fold.  I have to be very aware of properly fueling my body, and also of keeping fully hydrated (something I have been mediocre with at best in past).

And that brings me to my next update!  As of today, I will be seven days wine free.  Pretty neat-o!  I haven't really found myself missing my evening glass(es) either!  I will admit however, that early on in the week I was feeling quite sluggish, head-achy, and irritable.  Could this have been a bout with withdrawal symptoms?  I shudder at the thought, but I am guessing that my body is in fact going through a serious detox right now, so I suppose I should expect to feel a few ill effects.  What disappointed me though, was my slumber, or lack thereof.  I came into this challenge fully expecting to sleep a whole lot better than I am.  I always hear that sipping wine at night disrupts your sleep cycle, and so with my terrible track record when it comes to catching my forty winks, I figured I was a shoe-in for some solid shut-eye once I cut off the vino.  No such luck.  It wasn't until Thursday night, when I was so burnt out from my work and exercise regime and needed to be in bed by 7:30pm, that I actually had a fully sound and peaceful nights rest.  Fingers crossed this improves as the days go by.  Perhaps something that may assist in this, is my new practice of drinking about two full pots of herbal tea everyday.  Sipping a soothing blend of chamomile, lemon and honey both quiets my mind and comforts my soul, and is yet another nourishing way to further hydrate my body.  Not to mention, having something on the coffee table to "slurp" away on really fills the gap left by my old wine glass habit. 

So, at this point, I have learned a few great lessons about life sans-booze, and my motivation is certainly spurred on by the following: 

FACT: flavoured herbal teas can be quite a delicious pairing with organic dark chocolate. Who needs Merlot - steeped chai chocolate anyone?

FACT: getting up  at 3:45am is much nicer when you have no booze in your system

FACT: evening productivity improves exponentially when you aren't under any influence.  I have read, studied, written, and knit more over this past seven days than I ever imagined I could post-dinner!  Talk about expanding my evening hours! 

FACT: I can love my job that much more everyday when my energy levels are top-notch

FACT: it's fun being the sober girl out on the town, and I am learning a ton about myself in the process...
FACT: "Friday night dinner and a movie" is a heck of a lot more affordable when there is no wine on the restaurant bill!

FACT: I have noticed that my skin is clearer and is even starting to glow! (a combo of both my vegan eating + tee-totaling I suppose)

And, FACT: drinking is expensive.  It's a safe bet that I have saved close to $40-$50 not stocking my wine stash. Ouch. 

Huh. 

My world, it is a a-changing.  And I kind of feel like a whole new person these days.   It's pretty cool.  I am that much more pumped about all the great plans I have for this year, and I know I can, and will, accomplish all that I place in my cross-hairs from this day forward.  I am also meeting and connecting with a brand new slew of like-minded people, and am happy to be able to build on my already strong support network as I continue to wiggle outside of my comfort zone.  And I will stay the course.  Whether it's a series of baby steps or a few massive long jumps that lay ahead, I am committed to this, and I'm in it for the long haul!   

Onward we go!

30 Days.

I drink too much wine.  I have officially come to this decision.  On nights when I am at home, I always take the time to prepare myself a delicious, healthy, balanced, sit-down meal.  As I begin to develop my often improvised recipe, therapeutically washing, chopping, slicing, and creating, I put on some smooth jazz music, and I almost always pour myself a glass of white (Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, Riesling….).  By the time dinner is ready to be plated, a refill is often required, as a meal without wine to match is like…well, it’s just not as enjoyable, I am convinced.  Post meal, I do the dishes, tidy up, and settle in for the evening.  Sporting my flannel PJs, I might pour a glass of Merlot, break off a piece of 70% dark chocolate, and cozy up on the couch with a book, my knitting, or the latest Mad Men episode on Netflix.  Some nights, a second glass of red is what lulls me into my relaxed, albeit sometimes foggy, sleepy-time state, just in time for my 9pm curfew. (To qualify, I do not stumble into bed inebriated every night.  I do have to get up at 3:45am for work after all!!)

So that’s standard, two glasses at minimum.  But sometimes three or four?  Already, I know that is far too much alcohol for any women in an average sitting.  And I am sure I need not clarify that my wine glasses are rather large, and my pours quite generous.  Six ounces?  Are you kidding?  So, yeah.  That’s a lot of boozing. 

It has occurred to me many times that it is a tad silly that I commit myself so wholly to eating a nutritious diet, delve so deeply into the process of planning my meals and recipes, and expend so much time and energy maintaining an active and well-intentioned lifestyle, only to turn around and gulp down copious amounts of a toxic substance.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that there are some benefits to a glass of red here and there…but that’s one glass!  I haven’t had just one glass in a long time.  Not to mention the fact that I am very frugal in most areas of my life these days, but still find myself strolling through the Summerhill LCBO like a kid that's been handed $20 to spend  in a candy store.

I can recall many conversations I have had in past years, mainly with girlfriends, about our own personal alcohol usage.  I know that I am not the only one concerned about their consumption level.  Heck, I even remember doing an actual “Are You a Functional Alcoholic” quiz with one pal, and BOTH of us coming out affirmed.  Flip through my photos on Facebook and you'll find even more proof that I need to take it down a notch; shot after shot of me with a wine glass in my hand...pretty eye opening, indeed.  And even this past week, I chatted with a co-worker about it, and she seemed quite astounded by my everyday habit.

But, my habit goes deep.  I think I got pass-out drunk for the first time when I was in grade nine.  By mid-high school I was getting hammered every weekend.  These were almost always “get-so-drunk-you-barf” binges, and it was a massive problem in my family, and an embarrassment to my folks.  I recall one night being so smashed at a local hockey game that I was sick right in the stands, the mickey of vodka I'd consumed ending up all over the people sitting in front of me.  At that point, my friends decided it was time for me to go, dragged me out to the parking lot, and called my mom to come and pick up her slurring, sloppy, shameful daughter.  When she arrived, as she always did, God bless her, I was lying face down on the concrete barely conscious.  And then there was the night my sisters found me passed out in a ditch on the side of the highway….

Anyway, those days are certainly long gone, and I can't recall the last time I was fall over drunk, it has been so long.  But I do know that my habit is just that; a habit.  One that I need to break for a bit just to prove to myself that I can.  So a week ago, I made the decision that I was going to do this, and today marks my last day in relationship with my liquid lover.  Starting tomorrow, Monday January sixteenth, I will be booze free for thirty days.  I look forward to the final outcome, but also the process;  I am eager to see how I deal with all the negative feelings and resentments that are sure to rise up within me, and I am pumped to rock the "sober girl" stance out in the social world!  This shall be a fulfilling and clarifying learning experience, as well as a wicked physical detox.  I find myself pretty darn excited to get started.

So, with what vintage shall I bid farewell to tippling, and pair alongside my "last supper" this evening?  Well the obvious choice would be my personal fave; the juicy, sweet goodness of Kim Crawford Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc. 

Cheers, Salut, Proost, Sláinte!  Au revoir.   

Kale, Beets, Carrots, Avocados, Quinoa, Seeds, Chickpeas, Goji Berries...

Today I embark on something new.  I figure no time better than the present to “up the ante”, so to speak, when it comes to my personal health.  And, my decision to undertake this new challenge , just so happens to coincide with the on-air folk on my TV show stepping up to their very own health related mission.  Yes, today, the hosts of “The Morning Show” begin their week long raw food cleanse, and I venture into the vegan world.  Timing is certainly everything.

Host, Kris Reyes's Raw menu for today! (http://belmonteraw.com/)

By now, you all know that I have long been into the science behind eating healthily, and to that end I have learned a few things that have helped sort out some personal digestive needs, and also what it takes to feel like my optimal self.  Since 2009 I have adopted a virtually wheat free diet, spent a time eating “in the raw”, and have dedicated much of my downtime to learning all I can about nutrition and fueling my body in the best ways possible.   While in college I spent a big chunk of time living a vegetarian lifestyle, but back then was not armed with all the necessary information to do so in a balanced way and was just not getting the protein I needed to function properly.  It wasn’t long before my body gave out a bit, and I decided to go back to meat in order to quickly and easily regain my strength and energy.  Over the last few years, I have found myself again inadvertently leaning towards veggie-like eating habits, and have really directed my focus into that realm of foodie culture.  Earlier in the fall, I was lucky to meet Neal Barnard, M.D., author of “21-Day Weight Loss Kickstart: Boost Metabolism, Lower Cholesterol, and Dramatically Improve Your Health”, when he appeared as a guest on our show.  I have gotten about halfway through my copy of the book, and am quite inspired by many of the ideas, studies, and recipes it includes (to be clear, I am NOT in this for weight loss; the book is actually a blueprint for eating vegan, and is a definitive resource for those interested).  As a further push, I am super stoked about my upcoming “Culinary Nutrition Expert” course, with Meg Telpner, as I know the foods we prepare, the knowledge we acquire, and the overall outlook I walk away with upon completing the course, will fully support my decision to go vegan.  My commitment to fully exploring a plant based diet is totally personal, and I am choosing to do so for my pleasure, vitality, and overall health.  Don't get me wrong; I have seen "Food Inc." and the others, and I am fully aware and educated as to what goes on in factory farms, and the brutality that unfolds in the meat, poultry and dairy industries in our nation.  It truly is a disgust.  Because of this, I am also very pleased to be doing my part to help alleviate some of that suffering, knowing that my contribution, albeit small, can help in the big picture.  But I am not here to preach, just to eat the way I want to eat, and if I happen to convince a few others to try it out along that way, all the better!

So, I have not eaten meat or poultry since Thanksgiving 2011.  I have, however, developed a knack for creating super yummy meals that include an array of meat alternatives such as tofu, tempeh, nuts, legumes, and seeds, and have also whipped up a plethora of  grain and vegetable based dishes that would have even the meatiest of meat eaters salivating.  Perhaps the hardest part for me will be giving up on dairy, a point my sister brought up when she found out about my vegan plan (via Twitter!).  It is true, I am totally a cheese gal; goat, Manchego, old cheddar, you name it.  I do love my cultured milk products, especially with a nice glass of wine…(more on THAT later).   However, as strange as it sounds,  I think the toughest one for me to give up will be my daily cottage cheese fix.  It has been my quick and delish go-to  breakfast choice for ages, but as of this past Saturday, it too has officially been replaced by almond milk or coconut beverage fruit smoothies.   As for the rest of it, well, I have also learned a great bunch of recipes for creating various types of “nut-cheeses”; creamy concoctions consisting of soaked and softened nuts and seasonings, pureed into ricotta like textures. With the addition of a little nutritional yeast, they really do taste pretty darn convincing as a dairy replacement, and the yeast supplies a one-two punch, as it contains much needed vitamin B12, something vegetarians and vegans alike are oft deficient in. 

One of my tempeh veggie meals.

So, as I move into this next phase, making substitutions, altering recipes, and exploring the unknown, I am thrilled.  I know I won’t have the full support of a few people in my life who think all my food adventuring is silly, but I am up for trying anything that may better me physically, offer me more youth, and prevent illness in my body.  And you know what?  I am doing this for me, and it doesn’t really have to affect anyone else! 

Although, I do know full well that this may just earn me the title of “hardest-to-go-out-to-dinner-with friend”.

I am going to give it my all, but I am not going to make myself crazy.  If the feeling really hits me, say, when I am out at dinner, and I decide I REALLY feel like having a touch of cheese, then I will.  If I want a coffee and there is only cow’s milk available to lighten up my cup of joe, so be it.  When I am at my mom’s and she forgets and puts eggs in a meal meant for me, I will smile and graciously dig in.  I will plan to do whatever I can within my own personal power to make this work, but if there are a few slides along the way then “c’est la vie” shall be my motto.  And I also go into all of this knowing that I can decide to re-introduce any food I want, at any time. 

Vegan…hmm.  I am excited!  I can’t wait to see how I feel after a week, month, (year?).  I bet things will really feel a whole lot different. 

Listening to my stars, and my gut.

Booth Stars: Scorpio- Saturday, January 7, 2012
Say goodbye to a nightmare and hello to a new era of happiness. An irreversible event has taken place. It’s partly of your doing, although it did come from a deep unconscious source. The abruptness of it has forced you to make friends with your intuition. Trust it. It will guide you to great heights. 

Oh, okay. I can do that.  Once again, I awoke today to another inspired horoscope by astrologer Phil Booth.  Since seeing him for a personalized reading last fall, I have been taking his predictions a little more seriously, and have to say that they have been pretty accurate and motivating.  

I try not to be one of those willy-nilly people when it comes to astrological forecasts.  You know, the ones who only believe what is written when it is positive, and deny and make small any suggestions of negative outcomes for the day.  But, I do try and not to let those bad ones get me down. If I do happen to come across a dodgy prediction, than I simply do what is within my power to ensure that my day unfolds in a better way, and heed any hints of doom as signs that I need to switch things up.   

So, today I WILL fully bid farewell to the nightmares of my past, and usher in a new era of happiness, indeed.  I know I have more than just a little to do with getting to this point, so thanks for the extra support Phil (and the stars for the matter!).  Time to rise to brilliant heights indeed!

Gratitude, ya'll

Wow, everybody. I have well surpassed the page hits that I EVER thought I would get on this blog.  What started as a simple online journal to express my thoughts and work through my anxieties, has become an exercise that I feel ignited to work on as often as possible.  This is a real project of passion, one that I have found to be both fulfilling spiritually and rewarding emotionally, in every way.  From what I am hearing from you all, with your tweets, emails, and notes, you appreciate my taking the time to share as well.  So thank you everyone.  I am grateful for all of your support, love, and interest.  This really is a life-changing venture, and I love imparting my real story to you.  I am plunging, head first into happiness, and will continue to do so full throttle for as long as it takes to find my bliss.  

Please, become a follower, and leave your comments!  I love reading them.