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Owner, "MAP Wellness" - a culinary nutrition and wellness company. Writer. Passionate cook, raw food chef, reiki practitioner, yoga teacher, and LIVE WELL educator. ​do yoga. enjoy good food. run. plant food. cook. savour wine. read books. buy good food. love. grow your energy. find peace. enjoy food. have passion. skip. eat food. do yoga. listen to jazz. have presence. be present. bike. read. see. hear. be. live. love.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

31 years old. 29 & 30 were rough.

This blog serves as an outlet for me as I continue on my path of healing.  I had considered 2010 reining champion of the "worst year of my life" awards, until 2011 rolled around. Now I think I will just refer to the combined time period as my "phoenix years"; years in which I was knocked down, beaten, and thrown into the flames, only to shake off the ashes and be re-born as a stronger, healthier, and more blissfully aware women filled with love for life.
There are many things that I plan to write about on this website, plenty of stories I plan to tell, and secrets I intend to share.  However, as I have mentioned before, I am not doing this in sequence.  I am not telling my tale based on the real chronological timeline.   There is no "order" to my blog..... I am writing about events as I need to so that I can move on from them and heal the wounds one by one.   

So for context, and until I get around to writing about everything, I thought I should give some background.  The following is a list of just some of what really "went down" during those years, and what's lead me to where I am...."write" now:


December 3, 2009 - I file for personal bankruptcy after a lifetime of careless spending, an eating disorder that cost me thousands over the course of 13 years, and my never-ending need to fulfill foolish, unnecessary "wants".

February 2010 - Dad is diagnosed with FTD. 

April 2010 - I get engaged to the love of my life!

July 2010 - After months of fighting, my miserable ego devours my relationship and my engagement falls apart 3 months before the wedding.

September 2010- I hit rock bottom spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially.

October 2010 - Dad is diagnosed with ALS.

January 2011 - I admit myself overnight to St. Joe's hospital for 24 hours after a serious relapse in my bulemia.  My heart rate was at 39 BPM.

February 2011 - My 6 year old nephew undergoes emergency brain surgery to remove a tennis ball sized tumour from his brain.

May 29, 2011- My father loses his battle with FTD & ALS and life is forever changed.  I have lost my daddy.


Of course there are many details left unsaid here, plenty of pain unexpressed, loads of emotional baggage left unpacked.  However, this simple list serves as a solid reminder of where I have been, what my family has been through, and where I have managed to arrive.  It really does take a massive spiritual beating to allow you to see the light.  I am not thrilled to have gone through what I have, but I am pleased I was able to make the best of it, and really come out swinging.  It is like they always say; God, or in my personal preference, The Universe, only deals out to you what it knows you can handle.

Well I handled it.  Barely.  But here we go, on the up and up, and I can feel my trajectory gaining momentum everyday.  I was told by my astrologer this past month that Pluto has been hanging around in my charts for a few years now.  Pluto represents transformation, destruction, creation, regeneration, healing, renewal, power struggles, and upheaval.  I was also told that he is not leaving my "house" anytime soon, and that I should expect more grief and wreckage.   But you know what I say?  Screw you Pluto.  The light has my back.

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