Wandering home from my local LCBO (that just so happens to be the huge & beautiful Summerhill location), I got to thinking, and thus, decided what my newest blog post should be about.
As I walked up the long sloping hill of Yonge street, between Alcorn Avenue and Balmoral, I reflected on what an amazing stroll it was, through such a pleasant and welcoming neighbourhood. Not only is the Summerhill LCBO only an eight minute walk from my new apartment, but there is also an abundance of fancy foodie shops, grand restaurants, superb home decor stores, and plenty of coffee houses nearby to cozy up in for tea. My hot yoga studio is around the corner, there are two grocery stores within a stone's throw, I can see the subway station from my balcony, and I can walk to my workplace in under 25 minutes! For the first time in all my years living in Toronto, I am one hundred and fifty percent completely and utterly happy with where I live. Not only do I adore the 'hood, but I just plain love my new flat and all that I have furnished and designed within it. Sure, there is a lot I could still do to make it "homier", but it is perfect as is, and I love it right now. I have moved a total of 13 times in my 11 years in Toronto. Consistently, I would move and then soon begin to long for something a wee bit better, bigger, cooler....I figured that "only when I have" a better flat, my life will be perfect. I had developed a bad case of the habitat "when I have's".
I have also come to realize that I am really into my job. Like, really. I have been plugging away at my career in TV for years, and almost from day one I was already striving to do the next thing. Once I got comfy in one role, I became unhappy, needed change, got miserable, and looked for new work. Once I nailed that perfect gig somewhere else, the cycle would begin again...get good, get sad, get resentful, leave. Eventually I worked my way to the "top" as far as I was concerned, as a director in live TV news at the ripe old age of 27. Pretty great, right? Well it didn't take long for my high about that position to wear off either, and I quit that too. Once again, it was my "phoenix years" rolling around and kicking my butt that finally snapped me out of it. After dabbling in various fields outside of TV in 2010, and taking on only freelance and contract work for most of this year, I finally landed the role that saved me. In September I started a full time job on a new show that launched in October. The team is outstanding, the hours are great (if you like getting up at 4am), and I get the pleasure of working alongside a few colleagues that I met way back at the start of my career; back before my yuck cycles had even began. I now go into work with a huge smile on my face everyday. The role itself is a bit of a step back from what I am truly capable of, but it is FUN. Stressfree. With people I love, on a show that makes me laugh out loud. Every. Single. Day. It's pretty great. I love it just fine, right now, because I have it right now. And I don't need anything but this moment.
I have lived for my "when I have's" for thirty years. I have been in a perpetual state of anxiety about the future. When I get those jeans, nab that boyfriend, lose those ten pounds, learn that dance move...I will be happy...
I have always had this sinking feeling that I was waiting for something. Something to happen, something to change, something to make my life perfect. But my life IS perfect. I have a life after all, and every single second is beautiful and precious and needs to be acknowledged and given great attention.
Wow, I wish I had known this when I moved to this city at the age of 20. I'd have had a lot more compelling stories to tell I am sure. Living with tunnel vision really wasn't much fun.
Just another perk that comes with my new job; cute celebrity chef encounters!