Pins & Points

Ever try acupuncture?  I started doing it in late August of 2011.  Wow, is it fabulous!

I had only a handful of friends who had ever done it, and I used to be quite skeptical when people told me that it had helped them lose weight, quit smoking, feel happier...But, in the last couple of years, I think it is quite obvious that I have really opened myself up to a whole new realm of opportunities, and with that, an arsenal of weapons within my stadium of self healing.  People go to acupuncture for their own very personal reasons; I was to the "point" that I was willing to go to any length to receive some reprieve from my insomniac tendencies. My inability to sleep through the night really began in early 2010, and slowly became more and more of a health concern and plain old bother as time crept on.  By the time dad passed away, I was waking 3 to 4 times each night, and then my body would jerk into consciousness no later than 5am most mornings, no matter how late I hit the hay the evening before.  

I began searching for a reputable studio to try out this ancient Chinese medicinal cure, and found out that it was not cheap!  To hit any one of the new "holistic" treatment centres in the downtown core, I was looking at upwards of $80 per visit.  Yowzers.  And then one day, while out riding my bike through Roncesvalles Village, I came across a sign for "community" acupuncture treatments.  Said sign was out front of "The Herbal Clinic & Dispensary", and the gorgeous scents of all things natural and pure lured me inside.  As I soon found out, there were a couple of certified acupuncturists from the neighbourhood offering "sliding scale/pay what you can" treatments in the back room of the store, and so instantly I was sold.

My first treatment was divine.  I biked on over one sunny afternoon, and upon arrival, slipped my $20 cash in to the envelope with my name on it, and took a seat on one of the 6 or 7 crisp-white-sheet draped cots.  Naomi was the wonderful woman who then greeted me, asked many questions about my health history, current state of affairs, and emotional wellbeing.  She took my pulse, looked at my tongue.  Then she went to work.  I think I probably had about 12 pins in me that first time, 3 of them stuck right in my forehead and scalp.  Talk about a WEIRD sensation, that initial decent into "acu-nap" bliss.  I konked out completely for over an hour, while yogic chanting and meditative music lulled me in and out of what I think must have been the deepest sleep I had had in months!  I left that day feeling overwhelmingly serene and at peace.  I was officially addicted.

Currently, I try and go for my acu-naps at least twice a week.  I used to go because of my inability to sleep and to treat the associated headaches and fatigue that came along with that.  However, since mid-October when I began getting up at 3:30am to head to work for my new gig, those issues have really taken care of themselves.  Now, I go in an effort to get by every day with a level head.  Lord knows, it has been a long road; a rough 16 months, and heaven forbid I erupt into chaos once again.  I have had needles in all my limbs, had my ears "bled" to release tension, and have found a new avenue to explore in my trip to personal euphoria.  Now, my new acupuncturists Daryl and Ash treat me to release anxiety, ease my underlying grief about Dad that is a constant low hum in my mind, and offer to work on anything and everything I ask.  Just yesterday I was feeling bloated in my belly, and anxious about the impending holiday ahead, so I got pinned specifically for that, and I also received "ear seeds".  This was something I had never really heard much about until a dear friend mentioned them a few months back, and so I jumped a the suggestion.  "Ear seeds" are just as they sound - little seeds from the Vaccaria plant, that are adhered to the inside the upper ear, and then act as a pressure point for self treatment.  Daryl referred to them as my "reset" buttons, so I left the studio armed with a seed in each ear, and the ability to squeeze them as needed to ease my antsy ways.  Delightful!  

See that little black dot? That's my RESET button!  

So, if you have ever thought about acupuncture, even if just for a second, I encourage you to give it a go.  It really has changed my life in ways I never imagined.  If you are interested in checking out one of the Community Studios I visit, let me know!  Just leave me a comment and I will put you in touch!

Thanks for reading, and happy holidays!

"When I have..."

Wandering home from my local LCBO (that just so happens to be the huge & beautiful Summerhill location), I got to thinking, and thus, decided what my newest blog post should be about.

As I walked up the long sloping hill of Yonge street, between Alcorn Avenue and Balmoral, I reflected on what an amazing stroll it was, through such a pleasant and welcoming neighbourhood.  Not only is the Summerhill LCBO only an eight minute walk from my new apartment, but there is also an abundance of fancy foodie shops, grand restaurants, superb home decor stores, and plenty of coffee houses nearby to cozy up in for tea.  My hot yoga studio is around the corner, there are two grocery stores within a stone's throw, I can see the subway station from my balcony, and I can walk to my workplace in under 25 minutes!  For the first  time in all my years living in Toronto, I am one hundred and fifty percent completely and utterly happy with where I live.  Not only do I adore the 'hood, but I just plain love my new flat and all that I have furnished and designed within it.  Sure, there is a lot I could still do to make it "homier", but it is perfect as is, and I love it right now.  I have moved a total of 13 times in my 11 years in Toronto.  Consistently, I would move and then soon begin to long for something a wee bit better, bigger, cooler....I figured that "only when I have" a better flat, my life will be perfect.  I had developed a bad case of the habitat "when I have's".

I have also come to realize that I am really into my job.  Like, really.  I have been plugging away at my career in TV for years, and almost from day one I was already striving to do the next thing.  Once I got comfy in one role, I became unhappy, needed change, got miserable, and looked for new work.  Once I nailed that perfect gig somewhere else, the cycle would begin again...get good, get sad, get resentful, leave.  Eventually I worked my way to the "top" as far as I was concerned, as a director in live TV news at the ripe old age of 27.  Pretty great, right?  Well it didn't take long for my high about that position to wear off either, and I quit that too.  Once again, it was my "phoenix years" rolling around and kicking my butt that finally snapped me out of it.  After dabbling in various fields outside of TV in 2010, and taking on only freelance and contract work for most of this year, I finally landed the role that saved me.  In September I started a full time job on a new show that launched in October.  The team is outstanding, the hours are great (if you like getting up at 4am), and I get the pleasure of working alongside a few colleagues that I met way back at the start of my career; back before my yuck cycles had even began.  I now go into work with a huge smile on my face everyday.  The role itself is a bit of a step back from what I am truly capable of, but it is FUN.  Stressfree.  With people I love, on a show that makes me laugh out loud.  Every. Single. Day.  It's pretty great.  I love it just fine, right now, because I have it right now. And I don't need anything but this moment.

I have lived for my "when I have's" for thirty years.  I have been in a perpetual state of anxiety about the future.  When I get those jeans, nab that boyfriend, lose those ten pounds, learn that dance move...I will be happy...

I have always had this sinking feeling that I was waiting for something.  Something to happen, something to change, something to make my life perfect.  But my life IS perfect.  I have a life after all,  and every single second is beautiful and precious and needs to be acknowledged and given great attention.  

Wow, I wish I had known this when I moved to this city at the age of 20.  I'd have had a lot more compelling stories to tell I am sure.  Living with tunnel vision really wasn't much fun.

Just another perk that comes with my new job; cute celebrity chef encounters!

A Gift

If you have been reading my blog for a time, you would have read about my routine experience with colposcopy (a procedure used to screen status of cervical dysplasia), and also my recent concern surrounding my doctor's recommendation for me to undergo LEEP treatment to rid my body of the pre-cancerous cells.

Well, today was the day for my scheduled LEEP and I am happy to report that after all of my grief, anxiety, worry, and planning, I no longer require it.  I have just returned home from my "procedure" appointment at Sunnybrook Hospital, a visit that has had my tummy in knots, and mind racing for days, and I am still trying to fully absorb what went down.  

Earlier, I was just settling into my clinic room, when the nurse arrived and began looking over my chart.  She flipped the pages back and forth with a funny look on her face, scanning the notes over...and over... and over.  I began to panic...was she reading some bad news?  Was there full blown cancer in my body?  What was up with my biopsy taken last visit?  Was this LEEP still a viable option??  

Well....what came out of her mouth next was the real surprise; both my biopsy and pap taken had come back negative.  Whaaa?  Both?  So, like, zero bad-DNA?  

Yup.  After what seemed to be a million minutes, my doctor finally entered the room, glanced at my chart, and with a shocked look on her face, told me that I was free to go.  No bad cells, no procedure.  Doc said she was genuinely happy to be able to give me the great news, as she rarely gets to do so; and merry early Christmas to me!  I like to think that maybe I had a real part in my healing; through some proactive life changes and positive spirit. 

And there we have it.  I am free and clear.  Literally!  At least for now.  I head back again in 6 months for yet another followup, but that is just fine by me.  So friends, here's to living a balanced life, a diet full of super-foods, a splash of red wine, lots of hot yoga, & a bucket full of love.  Here's to health.  Happy Holidays!!

Holidays

I love the holiday season.  I really do.  I become a wee bit of an over-the-top joyous-jolly-jolly-merry-merry-type as the days leading up to the BIG DAY get "X'ed" off the advent calendar.  I can't help it.  Growing up, my family's farmhouse was always a festive place; a gift in itself to anyone that had the pleasure of stopping by anytime after November 28th.  You see, our family always had a rule that we would not put up Christmas decorations until after Dad's birthday passed.  We celebrated that event, and once Dad was another year older, it was time to really kick off the season.  Sort of like how Thanksgiving is the festive jumpstart for most people; ours was Pops' natal day. 

The house would be lit up form the outside in; huge floodlights splaying glorious rays of red, green, and beige light onto the cream brick, a beautiful silhouette of the pine tree on the lawn cast onto the exterior of our home, and warm shadows onto the floor in the "special" front living room.  There was always an artificial tree, adorned with one of many "themes"; be it "retro" (many Papier-mâché ornaments, classic reds & greens), blue & while bulbs with beads and bows, or red birds & holly....with the one constant of my mother's sugar-starched crocheted angel, always perched atop the plastic pine.

There was the Crèche; the homemade wooden nativity stable and delicate figurines.  The felt stockings carefully labelled using glittery paint in mom's cursive.  There was also a plethora of vignettes all over the house; collections of nutcrackers & angels, greenery and poinsettias on the shelves, scenes of merriment on the walls, tables, & every nook and cranny imaginable.  And, the house always smelled of Yuletide joy...whether from a gingerbread scented candle burning in the bathroom, or mom's Christmas cookie baking extravaganza going on in the kitchen.  It was the most welcoming home in all of Christmasland.  I swear.  You could not help but be completely and utterly engulfed by the love.  

Oh, and the traditions.  We had so many of them.  I could write forever......

I love the holidays.  I really do.  But this year is going pretty darn different. I suppose it is time to embrace some new holiday normals.  So here we go; Pearson Christmas 2011.  Let's see how this rolls out.

Niece Afton & I last year at mom & dad's in-town home

The Mind- A wonderful thing.

I made a promise to my father on his birthday.  My gift to him.  It has been only four days, and already I have faltered on my pledge.   Today I will recommit to Dad. 

Funny thing is, I dreamt of him last night; several different dreams, and woke up crying once.   I think that partially, it was my mind recalling my promise, pushing me to re-evaluate my situation, and reassuring me that I can, and will, overcome this mountain that I swore I would summit.  I also like to think that my father had a little something to do with his visit to my unconscious mind as well. 

So thanks dad, for giving me that extra kick in the butt I obviously needed.  XO

2 Dates

November 28^th.  This is my father’s birthday.  That was the very first thought that came to mind when my alarm jarred me awake at 3:45am this morning.  Dad would have been turning 64, and man oh man, is he is dearly missed.  We know he is in a better place, he wouldn’t want to be here still and be sick,  and I can say that this date will forever hold deep meaning for me.  I adore what my sister so lovingly posted online this morning; “happy birthday Dad, I hope you are golfing”.  I bet he has gotten in a lot of rounds since he left, explored many greens. Tomorrow will, after all, mark exactly 6 months since we lost him.  November 29^th.  Two very different anniversaries, back-to-back, each with their own slew of mixed emotion. 

******************************************************

REWIND: Last year about this time, we threw an “open house” in honour of my pops, celebrating his life with friends and family, and all the apple pie you could eat (pie was my Dad’s fave desert for as long as I can remember; although when asked if he wanted cake or pie if given the option, his answer was always simply “YES”).  Anyway, the party was nice.  There were some hard truths to face, a few tough moments, but lots of laughter and reflection and love.  Age 63 is not usually an occasion to be formally celebrated with a big shindig, but I think my family knew that it was to be one of Dad’s last. 

 

That’s me and dad on birthday open house day.  He was having a hoot!

FAST FORWARD:

I called my mother as soon as I knew she’d be up today.  I wanted to tell her I love her, and I wanted to wish daddy a happy birthday; if he was alive I'd have called, so I was just keeping with tradition.  I knew it was going to be a tough day for her; she sounded low; her voice weaker than usual.  She plans on marking the day by heading up to a meeting at the ALS support centre she utilized regularly while my Dad was alive, cake in hand.  She will toast to dad’s life with other folks who share her pain about the terrible illness, and can relate to her sorrow surrounding a very premature loss of a loved one.  I think that’s great.  Even though mom’s trip down the Lou Gehrig’s disease trail is now over, she continues to support and help educate those who are just beginning, or drawing to a close, their own journeys.

It is so strange living without my father.  Every day, I am reminded at least once that he is gone and that there are so many events that I am going to miss having him around for, moments I won't get the chance to share and celebrate with him.  I am sure mom feels the same, but I bet she also just misses the simple everyday stuff; waking up side by side, sharing decaf coffee over the morning news, having that person there to help latch a bracelet, a kiss goodnight every evening…

The pain is just so tremendous and I don’t expect that to fade anytime soon.  Someone said to me when we lost dad back in May, “the moment your father died, your reality, your universe, was completely altered.”  This person said that I would be forever changed, a different person.  That is so entirely and absolutely true.

I miss you Dad, happy birthday to you, and I love you so damn much.

A Different Reason to Celebrate Friday!

I walked into work this morning, and it could have been a dreary, cold, and wet trip.  Prior to leaving my flat, I took a step out onto my 17^th floor balcony, only to hear the pitter patter of freezing rain, accompanied by the intense howl of a Northern wind.  But, I decided that with my big round umbrella, and a cup of home brewed coffee, I could make it work.  My half hour jaunt down a deserted Yonge street at 4am was actually a super great, centering, and peaceful way to start my day.  And much to my pleasure I received a bonus on my blackberry to make it even greater! An amazing horoscope prediction from astrologer Phil Booth:

Scorpio- Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You have only a short time to get from where you are now to where you want to be, before a major shift in your circumstances takes place. The Partial Solar Eclipse will bring you a glimpse of how things could be in an ideal world and what measures need to be instituted in order to get there. You’ll suddenly become aware of how easy it is to be truly happy.

So, I am am SUPER stoked for this coming Friday - can't wait to see what the Eclipse brings!